Our New Addition
We are now 14 weeks along with our new addition. I announced a few weeks ago - and needed some time to think about this post. I wanted to wait until some of my emotions subsided. Of course -- I am beyond excited and blessed to have this new miracle growing inside of me. But --- my brother is gone and so is my son. The two people who I want here by my side to welcome this new bundle of joy. I was sad and angry. It was hard for me to get passed that.
Ivan has been with me everyday - since the day I was born. He still has not left my side. Ivan has taken care of so many things since he went Home.
To some this may sound silly - but to me and my family - it's Ivan. Before Ivan's body left this earth - I whispered into his hear - mind you while I was sobbing my eyes out - telling him - that if he was going to leave me - he needed to make sure I got my house. I said - he needed to work things out upstairs and help his little sister out.
The day I found out our loan and contract were solid and we were about 2 weeks away to close - I got in my car -- as I do -- and Bluetooth call my husband. "Call Husband" - I've mastered this voice command and have had no issues. But that day --- I said it and the response was "Did you mean to call Ivan Valentin?". HELL YES - that is definitely who I meant to call. He took care of me.
The day Ivan went into the hospital, the day Ivan truly went Home - June 1st - was one of the worst days I have experienced. As soon as my mom and I arrived at the hospital - I began to have another miscarriage. I couldn't even process that - as we were waiting to hear Ivan's status.
I gave up, I deleted all my apps, didn't track, no tricks. I was over trying to have another baby. 2 months later - I found out I was pregnant. Ivan took care of me. Ivan knew that despite me wanting to give up - that wasn't what I really wanted. I wanted another baby.
Carrying this new life -- I feel Oliver and Ivan with me everyday. I know they are with me. I know they are going to be with me until we meet again.
The impact these two have had on my life --- will forever be with me.
There will be days of anger, of sadness, of confusion, of bitterness. Those days will NEVER out number the days of happiness, love, memories, family, and warmth. They send me signs when I need them most - and I look forward to those moments.
Jaxin talks about his Uncle Ivan everyday - and knows Oliver lives with him. Olive lights up every time she sees his picture, and she will grow to know her big brother.
This new baby - may never meet their Uncle Ivan - but they will know him. They will know and love their Uncle Ivan and big brother Oliver. They will know they are with God - waiting until it is time for us to go Home.
Thank you to everyone for all the love in celebrating this new life, and for all of the support with Oliver and Ivan. I am so grateful to have such a large support system. Each one of the kind words I hear - helps me - reminds me that I have a purpose - that my son had a purpose - that my brother had a purpose.
Ivan has been with me everyday - since the day I was born. He still has not left my side. Ivan has taken care of so many things since he went Home.
To some this may sound silly - but to me and my family - it's Ivan. Before Ivan's body left this earth - I whispered into his hear - mind you while I was sobbing my eyes out - telling him - that if he was going to leave me - he needed to make sure I got my house. I said - he needed to work things out upstairs and help his little sister out.
The day I found out our loan and contract were solid and we were about 2 weeks away to close - I got in my car -- as I do -- and Bluetooth call my husband. "Call Husband" - I've mastered this voice command and have had no issues. But that day --- I said it and the response was "Did you mean to call Ivan Valentin?". HELL YES - that is definitely who I meant to call. He took care of me.
The day Ivan went into the hospital, the day Ivan truly went Home - June 1st - was one of the worst days I have experienced. As soon as my mom and I arrived at the hospital - I began to have another miscarriage. I couldn't even process that - as we were waiting to hear Ivan's status.
I gave up, I deleted all my apps, didn't track, no tricks. I was over trying to have another baby. 2 months later - I found out I was pregnant. Ivan took care of me. Ivan knew that despite me wanting to give up - that wasn't what I really wanted. I wanted another baby.
Carrying this new life -- I feel Oliver and Ivan with me everyday. I know they are with me. I know they are going to be with me until we meet again.
The impact these two have had on my life --- will forever be with me.
There will be days of anger, of sadness, of confusion, of bitterness. Those days will NEVER out number the days of happiness, love, memories, family, and warmth. They send me signs when I need them most - and I look forward to those moments.
Jaxin talks about his Uncle Ivan everyday - and knows Oliver lives with him. Olive lights up every time she sees his picture, and she will grow to know her big brother.
This new baby - may never meet their Uncle Ivan - but they will know him. They will know and love their Uncle Ivan and big brother Oliver. They will know they are with God - waiting until it is time for us to go Home.
Thank you to everyone for all the love in celebrating this new life, and for all of the support with Oliver and Ivan. I am so grateful to have such a large support system. Each one of the kind words I hear - helps me - reminds me that I have a purpose - that my son had a purpose - that my brother had a purpose.
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