Three years ago today

3 years ago today - I woke up and knew that my life as I knew it was going to change forever. That day is so vivid for me. I remember going to bed the night before, knowing that Oliver would pass by the morning.

I was so in tune with my boy and my body. Though I didn't have fluid - and his movements were so soft and gentle, I could count on them. I knew his pattern. He would wake me up in the middle the night - except this one. I checked his heart rate and it was slowing down. When I woke up on October 24, 2012 - I knew. I checked his heart rate with my doppler - silence.

I remember being calm. I remember crying. I remember being scared. 

It has been 3 years since my boy made his way to me. I am heart broken. I am also happy. I am happy that I am his mother. I am happy that I chose not to abort - and I saw his beautiful face. The most handsome baby boy - that was my son. My Oliver. 

Oliver has given my life so much meaning. He made me a mother. He made us a family. He is a big brother to a beautiful little sister and his new sibling in my belly. He is my everything. 

I choose to celebrate his life while I mourn.
This journey is still just beginning - my life with him above. 

His birthday is tomorrow, October 25th. 
Happy Birthday my sweet baby angel. 
I know your Uncle Ivan is celebrating with you.

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