Tuesday, December 2, 2014

November

The month of November has been a very busy month for us.

We were adjusting to Oliver being a 2 year old in Heaven, Olive becoming a very fast crawler and wanting to stand up on everything and taking her first steps, my sister moving back home, planning her wedding, and getting ready for all of Olive's first holidays, and Jaxin finally understanding and practicing his Christmas list.

In our crazy month and life, full of love and beautiful chaos, when we got a positive pregnancy test, we were almost in disbelief. This was unplanned, shocking, but happy and exciting moment. 6 tests later and finally it set in. We were pregnant and the planning began. Baby Suarez # 3 would be on there way and our lives were changing again.

The normal nerves set in. This would be my 4th pregnancy. Miscarriage, Oliver (stillborn), Olive (our Rainbow), and this new baby. I knew that there were the obvious risks, but was trying to stay as positive as possible. We made it through Thanksgiving without telling the family and decided to tell our parents on the day of our wedding anniversary, November 30th. We had now been married 2 years and our family was growing once again. Everyone was shocked yet excited, another new baby to love on.

Sunday I had a small streak of blood when I went to the bathroom, but I had this with Olive too. From a small clot. Normal. Also normal for small spotting in early pregnancy. I tried to pull myself back from the negative thoughts and just pray about it. I felt better throughout the day and there was no more bleeding so all was well.

 Monday morning, when I woke up for work, I headed to the bathroom to start my morning routine of getting ready. The gasp from the blood brought instant tears. My husband jumped out of bed and just held me while we attempted to process what was happening. I called my mom - who was half asleep and tried to calm me down. I took a shower and called the doctor's office once they opened. I was seen in for blood work and an ultrasound. I didn't need the ultrasound to confirm, my baby, my body.

4th pregnancy, 3rd loss, 2nd miscarriage, 
1 baby boy in Heaven, 1 baby girl on Earth.

I know this baby was here and gone so quickly, 
but this baby is still my baby.

I know this baby is with Oliver and that I will be 
greeted with so much love when I arrive Home.

We ask for prayers for healing and peace as we mourn this loss. 


R.I.P. Baby November Suarez