Saturday, April 16, 2016

40 weeks 4 days with Opal Maize

40 Weeks & 4 days with Miss Opal Maize

I am still pregnant with my third baby! It has definitely been a journey to this point. 

Hey Fun Fact!! Only FIVE percent of babies are born on their due date! And going to 42 weeks - is totally normal! 

Many people know this about me, and some don't. I have always wanted a natural home birth. I looked into it with Oliver - but at 12 weeks - we received his fatal diagnosis - and I knew we were going to have a different birth plan. 

At 34 weeks 5 days - our little man was born sleeping and called Home. The most beautiful and heartbreaking experience of my entire life.

We were blessed to become pregnant with Olive just about 5 months after having Oliver. I went to a birth center and looked into a home birth as well. But I was still so raw. My heart needed so much healing. We never got the answers to why Oliver was sick. Did I need a NICU staff? Did we need immediate care for her? Who knew. So we stayed the hospital route. I scared myself into an induction just 3 days before her due date. The doctors didn't recommend it. That was ALL me - I wanted my baby out and I wanted her out right then and there! Which I have accepted.

Olive brought healing to my heart. But I was still needing healing to my body and mind. 

Which brings us to Opal. I had two miscarriages in between Olive and Opal. And also the loss of my brother Ivan. I was so ready to give up. But God had another plan - and we have had a successful and healthy pregnancy with Opal. I have had tremendous support - from my midwives, birth center team, my dear friend who will be my doula support, my mom, and most importantly - my husband. 

Those closest to me know how important this birth is for me. Am I super anxious to be post dates? Who wouldn't be? As a loss mom - this is unchartered territory - somewhere I never wanted to be. Each pregnancy is different. Each baby is different. Each moment is different. 

I will birth my baby - when both her and my body are ready. 
My body will open - my baby will come out. 
I will have the gentle birth that my baby and I deserve. 
I will get my healing.

I appreciate everyone who has reached out - checking in - sharing their love. Positive words of encouragement and positive birth stories are the only thing I am accepting at this point. 

It's not that I am ignoring you - or pushing aside your experience - but right now - it's not what I need. Opal can feel my anxiety and stress. Right now - she needs to feel my trust and love. She needs to know - it is safe to come out, it is safe to be born. 

If you reach out - and don't hear from me until after Opal is born - it's because I am focusing on her right now. I am dedicating all my time to Oliver, Jaxin, Olive and Opal. I am going to be surrounding myself in their kisses, hugs, and love until it is time for Opal to make her arrival. 

As soon as Opal has made it Earth side - and we have gotten to stare at each other and learn each other - I will share her with all of you. 

Again -- I appreciate all the kind words, prayers, positive vibes and energy. It truly takes a village. 

That being said - Opal - it is safe to be born - we are ready for you.